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Best statuses - Best Facebook status updates

Must.....stop....liking...things.......OH THATS SO TRUE!! *click*Must.....stop....liking...things.......OH THATS SO TRUE!! *click*
I like to eat a sandwich, sometimes two. Eventually seven.I like to eat a sandwich, sometimes two. Eventually seven.
I almost went for a run today. Then i came to my senses and had a smoke.I almost went for a run today. Then i came to my senses and had a smoke.
Dear Life, You have some explaining to do.Dear Life, You have some explaining to do.
"Kidnapping" is such a strong word. I prefer to say "Surprise Adoption"."Kidnapping" is such a strong word. I prefer to say "Surprise Adoption".
Snow... the only time 4 inches can make a girl excited. Snow... the only time 4 inches can make a girl excited.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I only exist to you when you need something.Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I only exist to you when you need something.
Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funeralsOld people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
Love me when I least deserve it because that is when I really need it.Love me when I least deserve it because that is when I really need it.
Girls dad: "don't let him touch you", boys dad: "get in there son."Girls dad: "don't let him touch you", boys dad: "get in there son."
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