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New Facebook status updates - Page 67
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Licking Candy Canes Till They're Sharp And Then Stabbing People With Them
Doing whatever the f**k you want, because it's your life and no one else's
Waving the offside flag when your Girlfriend leaves the kitchen
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
"Dude she just called you hot" - "They all do"
Watching a romantic movie and accepting the fact you're going to die alone.
Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Texting your mate after a night out to make sure they're alive
Licking your food so you dont have to share.
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