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New Facebook status updates - Page 71

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" "Not drunk, just relaxed and naked.""Are you trying to get me drunk?" "Not drunk, just relaxed and naked."
Being inappropriately drunk at low-key family gatheringsBeing inappropriately drunk at low-key family gatherings
Not wearing condoms because the world needs more people like youNot wearing condoms because the world needs more people like you
When everyone is in a relationship, and you're like lol where are my catsWhen everyone is in a relationship, and you're like lol where are my cats
Not telling your parents about the nice man who gives you candy in his van.Not telling your parents about the nice man who gives you candy in his van.
I'm not angry at you... im just disappointed in youI'm not angry at you... im just disappointed in you
Laying on the bathroom floor... Not my favorite way to start the day.Laying on the bathroom floor... Not my favorite way to start the day.
My imaginary girlfriend dumped me today... Let's Get FAT!!My imaginary girlfriend dumped me today... Let's Get FAT!!
I named my hard drive "That Thang" so once a month my computer asks me if I want to back That Thang up.I named my hard drive "That Thang" so once a month my computer asks me if I want to back That Thang up.
Look at your status, now back to mine, now back at yours, now back at mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about the other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like. I’m on a computer.Look at your status, now back to mine, now back at yours, now back at mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about the other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like. I’m on a computer.
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