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Best Facebook status updates - Sunday - Page 11
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
I drink on only two occasions, when it's my birthday and when it's not.
Blanket on - too hot, blanket off - too cold, stick leg out - Demon eats you
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Licking your food so you dont have to share.
I know a bunch of random usless facts that will get me nowhere in life.
Lying on the kitchen floor crying because there is nothing good to eat.
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