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Best Facebook status updates - Sunday - Page 11

I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
I drink on only two occasions, when it's my birthday and when it's not.I drink on only two occasions, when it's my birthday and when it's not.
Blanket on - too hot, blanket off - too cold, stick leg out - Demon eats youBlanket on - too hot, blanket off - too cold, stick leg out - Demon eats you
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastardMarrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Standing in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noisesStanding in the kitchen pretending to be a woman, making woman noises
Licking your food so you dont have to share.Licking your food so you dont have to share.
I know a bunch of random usless facts that will get me nowhere in life.I know a bunch of random usless facts that will get me nowhere in life.
Lying on the kitchen floor crying because there is nothing good to eat.Lying on the kitchen floor crying because there is nothing good to eat.
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