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Best Facebook status updates - Friday - Page 65
Sending good morning texts to yourself because no one loves you.
Waving the offside flag when your Girlfriend leaves the kitchen
Crying after sex because you're sick of women using you for your hot body.
Getting a sticker at the dentist because you're a brave bastard.
Romantically removing the gold paper from your nutella
Marrying whoever wins Masterchef because you're a hungry bastard
Eating anything cause you're a fit bastard and have a high metabolism
Ohe satisfaction of sleeping in your own bed after being away for so long.
Police call it "Drunk and Disorderly" we call it "having a good night"
You may wear the pants in this relationship, but i control the zipper. (:
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