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Best Facebook status updates - January - Page 36
If I WANTED you to read my texts, I would SHOW them to you!
If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
If I actually did "live like there's no tomorrow". I'd be in jail.
There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die, after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I Don’t Care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass
You Can't Change The Past, But You Can Learn From It ;)
Don't Fall in Love. Fall off a bridge, it probably hurts less.
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. the length of a P*nis is 3x the thumb. the Fumar is hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than men's. women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles to balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text while the man is still looking at his thumb.
I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an obsession.
Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
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